Just call me Gru

I went back to school a few days ago after an extended absence of five days. The students were very excited to see me. (but not excited enough to give their naughtiness a break) The day began in a typical way and I was still feeling pretty low. One little girl asked, "Mrs. Matthews, do you need a hug?" I replied, "I always need a hug." She wove her way through the desks to the front of the room and gave me a nice hug. When I looked behind her, almost the entire class had gotten in line behind her to get a hug.

I felt a little like Gru and the minions.

Goodnight Irene

My husband said that Pop was the perpetual shuffler. He always shuffled his way around the house. "Pop is going to shuffle his way into heaven."

The doctor said, "People often die the way they lived."

The hospice nurse said he was a fighter, he loved life so much, "You don't get to be 98 by being a wimp."

I said, how do you end a life story?  With a kiss and a prayer and every dream come true...

I'll end it with the song that Pop and I sang every night before he went to bed.

Goodnight Irene,

Goodnight Irene,

I'll see you in my dreams

Give My Regards to Broadway

Pop has been non-responsive and non-verbal for five days now but the doctor assures us the he can still hear when we speak to him. The long hours spent in vigil at his bedside have been heart breaking. To keep the mood upbeat and to prove the doctor's point, my sisters and I have been "entertaining Pop with campfire songs from our childhood, much to Mom's chagrin. We had to pause for a brief commercial break when the nurse arrived to give Pop his meds. She chuckled at our choice of songs and we giggled in embarrassment that people in the hallway heard our renditions.

For our next selection, we chose a patriotic theme, we thought was appropriate for Pop, a WWII vet. We are now rehearsing for a medley of show tunes from Broadway. Pop, for better or worse, is a captive audience.

Relatively Pleasant Day, if it hadn't started so early.

Pop's dementia is progressing but generally he is good-natured and provides us with opportunities to laugh.

According to Pop, we had a lot of plans on this sunny day. First thing in the morning, 4:00 AM, we played a round of golf (18 holes, I lost) then 2 sets of tennis (I lost), by late afternoon, we strolled along the Atlantic City boardwalk (sans the sunscreen) watched the young couples going by, judged a beauty pageant, and saw bunnies hopping on the beach. If it wasn't for the darn mosquitoes and mice, it would have been the perfect day.

Unfortunately, there were a few dark clouds on the horizon too. It was getting late and his  mom and dad would be worried, so we had to hurry home. When we arrived home, his childhood home has changed so much since he has been gone and nothing looked the same. He had problems during the war but never one like this. Pop asks, "What should I do?"

Pop has been awake for over 24 hours, medications given to sedate him have been ineffective, sleep is elusive. I ask, "What should I do?"

Happy 90th Birthday Mom

Although it is belated, we wish you the best 90th Birthday ever, Mom!

Poops! Bloops! Oops!

Pop had another fall. This one resulted in hospitalization. He is not the best patient, nor does he have much patience. He insisted on having his bed directly in front of the door to see the activities outside his room. He would wave to the nurses, doctors and staff members who would smile and wave back.

The doctor came in with Pop's paperwork attached and ordered several tests. He said, we need to find the cause for this fall; dizziness, dehydration, low blood pressure. He went on to list several other factors that could have contributed to this fall.

I offered the doctor my diagnosis...he slipped on the poop on the bathroom floor. Without a moment's hesitation, the doctor responded, "I don't see a check box for that" My reply, "Can we list it under other?"

Happy Thanksgiving!

I hope everyone enjoyed time with their families and a chance to gather together to give thanks!

TURKEY 19 lbs -- CLARA 20 lbs.

I love music of all kinds,

but there's no greater music 

than the sound of my grandchildren laughing

Poop in Pot? The Suess version

Poop in Pot?
NO, NO, I think not
Poop on Pop.

Turd in toilet?
NO, NO  not yet
Turd in trashcan.

Crap in the can?
NO Sir, NO Ma'am
Crap on the carpet

S@#t on seat?
Yes, Yes, it's quite a feat
S#@t on seat

S#@t on slippers?
Yes, ma'am, Yes, sir
S#@t on slippers

Poop in Pot?
NO, NO, I think not
Poop on Pop.

Close Encounters of the Turd Kind

Last night as I served Mom and Pop dinner, I went to set down the dinner plates on the paper shredder that serves as a small table between their matching recliners. It was cluttered with TV remotes, cordless phone, newspapers and something I could not immediately identify but had a distinctly identifiable smell.

"What's that?" I said
"I don't know" Pop said
 "It's...poop" Mom said.
"I found it on the floor." Pop said

"Where did it come from?" I said.
"Where do you think it came from?" Mom said.
"I think Jazz, (our black lab) was just in here." Pop said.

"Oh S@#t," I said.
"That's right," Mom said.
"Don't curse," Pop said.

Then to my horror, Mom picked up the turd, (with her bare hands) carefully examined it, and casually tossed it into the trashcan.

Stifling the urge to gag, I returned with a very large container of disinfectant wipes, rubber gloves and a clean trash bag.

Happy 98th Birthday Pop!

Yesterday, Pop celebrated his 98th birthday! At least twice when I served him cupcakes and later in the day an ice cream cake, he asked, "Now who's birthday is it?

LOOKING GOOD POP!

One Ply or Two?

One ply or two? Septic or public? 30/50 or 40/60? I stared blankly at my interrogator. Ma'am, how long has it been like this? I rubbed my eyes from the bright light shining in my face. Ma'am snap out of it. It all seemed so real, like it just happened. Was I dreaming...?

Once more we have experienced an unnatural disaster of epic proportions, but this time we had to call in a professional. I was schooled on the proper plunging techniques, how to get the most leverage when using a snake. I was advised to purchase a power flush toilet, power plunger, and a new fill valve.   My copious notes include all the basic plumbing vocabulary, complete with definitions provided by the professional. Any questions? he asked after the lesson was over. Yes, how do I keep Pop from using too much toilet paper?

It was his turn to give me a blank stare.

Pee Slippers

Pop has been having difficulty steering his stream of pee into the toilet. He seems to miss the mark every time. The urine usually ends on his slippers or on the floor in front of the toilet. We have tried the usual methods to encourage accurate aim. Cheerios and bulls eye targets floating in the bowl have not had the desired results. So Mom decided to take things into her own hands…literally. She follows Pop into the bathroom and holds it for him while he pees. My husband remarked, “it gives a whole new meaning to the marriage vows…to have and to hold.”

Quote from the book, The 100-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared: 

"The 100-year-old man set off in his pee-slippers (so called because men of advanced age rarely pee farther than their shoes)" Pop is just 2 years shy of the 100-year mark.

Happy 89th Birthday Mom!

Another year for Mom to celebrate being Queen for a Day! A juicy hamburger with all the trimmings and ice cream cake was on the menu, the birthday girl's favorite foods.

Her favorite part of the day was a visit from her great-daughter Hannah. Here is part of the dinner conversation:
Pop: Hannah, you're full of soup.
          (Pause...eat...repeat)
Pop: Hannah, you're full of soup.
          (Pause...eat...repeat)
Pop: I love you (a favorite saying of Pop's, he points to his eye, then his heart and then at Hannah)
Pop: I love you (same gestures)
         (Pop can't remember what he said 5 seconds ago)
So far a one-sided conversation to which Hannah replied patiently, "PopPop I'm busy eating"
Pop: Hannah, you're full of malarkey
That got Hannah's attention. She tried to repeat it...malarkey...malarkey
Hannah: You're so silly, PopPop!

Ugly Christmas Sweater

Today was ugly Christmas sweater day at school. Determined to have the ugliest sweater possible, I set to work like an elf in the toy factory on Christmas Eve. Selecting only the gaudiest, glittery-est, yet glamorous, materials I could find to create a unique, one of a kind sweater sure to inspire shrieks and hisses from jealous competitors.

After hours of hard work, glued fingers and careful editing, I was convinced that I had the ugliest sweater possible, I modeled it for Mom and Pop. Pop's reaction (without a hint of sarcasm,) "Oh Doll Baby, you look beautiful!" Mom's response (dripping with sarcasm), "You're not going to wear that to school! You'll be arrested by the ugly fashion police."

I'm the one on the right. You can't see it in the photo but my shoes matched my headpiece.

Albert and Albert

                                                 Albert 1                             Albert 2

Einstein and Mom

                                                Theresa                                         Albert

Now where did I put...?

Last week Pop lost something and I wasn't exactly sure what it was and he wasn't exactly sure where he put it.

He was sitting in his chair with the brightly colored striped blanket covering him from waist to floor. He bent forward and lifted the right side of the blanket staring at the floor. Then he repeated the same process on the left side. I asked him, "What are you looking for Pop?" He replied, "My feet, I can't find them." Then he looked one more time where he hadn't looked before. He raised the blanket from the center and excitedly exclaimed, "There they are, right where I left them!"

Nick's Birthday and Kathleen's Wedding Day

October 11, 2014  marked a fantastic occasion for my nephew and his bride...they married, they celebrated, they danced, they loved...their family, their friends, each other.

Mom and Pop were especially excited to get fancied up for the festivities. Both looked stunning in the new outfits, Pop in his tux and Mom in her stylish pantsuit.

Here are snippets of the conversations that ensued that evening:

Pop: Why do I have to wear a tux?
Mom: Nick's wedding
Grandson: PopPop you look awesome in your tux!
Mom: You can have it when he's dead.

Pop: Why do I have to wear a tux?
Husband: Nick's birthday

We arrive at the Church

Pop: Why do I have to wear a tux?
Mom: Nick asked you to
Pop:Why does Nick want me to wear a tux?
Mom: He's getting married
Pop: When?

One the way home:
Pop: Why did I have to wear this tux?

“Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?” –George Gobel

Clara and PopPop

Great-granddaughter Clara swinging with her PopPop. Simple pleasures!

Eric III and PopPop

Almost one year from the day that I posted a photo of Hannah and PopPop swinging on the front porch swing, here is great-grandson, Eric III, with PopPop.

Who's on the Phone? - Part 2

It happened again. I had to call Mom and Pop's mail order pharmacy to put their prescriptions on automatic refill. It is usually a routine phone call. I talk to a customer service representative and their medicine it sent out every three months for the entire year.

Not so routine this time. The rep requested to speak to Pop to get his permission. Oh boy, I thought, this is not going to go well. I explained that he is deaf and hard of hearing but she insisted. She didn't know what she was getting into.

I held the phone close to Pop's mouth and ear and asked him,

Me: Can I put your prescriptions on automatic refill? while vigorously shaking my head up and down

Pop: I don't know what you're saying.

Me: I want to have your medicines delivered automatically. Again shaking my head affirmatively. Pop did not take the hint.

Pop: What if I don't want them to be delivered automatically?

Me: Covering the phone with my hand, Just say YES!?$%

60 Minutes

Pop often refers to his favorite Sunday evening TV program as 60 Seconds. He never misses an episode. Tonight, we were just finishing dinner and I said, "Pop, 60 Seconds is on." He said, "Oh, boy I better hurry!" He shuffles, as only Pop can shuffle, slowly off to his recliner. Husband turns to me and says, by the time he gets there, there will be only 49 seconds left!"

Happy Memorial Day

To all who are serving and who have served, 

we remember and we thank you.

We are proud of you Pop!

X and Y-Intercepts, Slope and Other Math Stuff

This week I have been working very hard brushing up on my Algebra skills. The dining room table is covered with pages of equations, graphs, and T-charts. Scrawled notes are littered with factoring of polynomials and quadratics.

Enter Mom: What are you working on now? She demands to know. Then she settles down in the chair beside me. After glancing at the Algebra textbook and my notes, she amazes me by saying, "Oh, you're working on Slope Intercept formula." I was rendered speechless. She has this dreamy, childlike, nostalgic smile on her face. "You know, I never could understand this in high school. I used to try and teach it to myself. Do they still have the odd numbered answers in the back of the book?"

Visiting Angels vs. Victoria's Angels

Yesterday we had a lovely conversation with one of the "Angels" from Visiting Angels. Visiting "Devils" as Mom ventured to describe them. (I am pleased to say that her impression of this compassionate caretaker organization has changed completely)

The representative introduced herself to Pop and tried to explain how they can help him. He was very very happy to hear that Victoria's Angels would be visiting him. The representative tried to clarify the difference but Pop sat there grinning  and contemplating the impending visit of a Victoria Secret model "with wings."  Once more the consultant tried, "Our girls are pretty but
. . ." I finished her sentence, ... "Pop that's a whole other catalog!"