One Ply or Two?

One ply or two? Septic or public? 30/50 or 40/60? I stared blankly at my interrogator. Ma'am, how long has it been like this? I rubbed my eyes from the bright light shining in my face. Ma'am snap out of it. It all seemed so real, like it just happened. Was I dreaming...?

Once more we have experienced an unnatural disaster of epic proportions, but this time we had to call in a professional. I was schooled on the proper plunging techniques, how to get the most leverage when using a snake. I was advised to purchase a power flush toilet, power plunger, and a new fill valve.   My copious notes include all the basic plumbing vocabulary, complete with definitions provided by the professional. Any questions? he asked after the lesson was over. Yes, how do I keep Pop from using too much toilet paper?

It was his turn to give me a blank stare.

Toxic Avenger Strikes Again

I will spare you, dear reader, the sordid details in words and in the toilet. Suffice to say, he did it again.

PS if you are keeping score, we are averaging one toxic toilet event per year.

I don't get paid enough for this job

Here is a rundown of my day:

6:00 AM Rise and Shine
7:15  at work preparing math and reading lessons for the school day
3:00  pretty good day, students leave on the bus
4:00  finish up grading papers and leave work
4:15  at the mall to get watch battery for Pop
5:00  arrive home to start second job and hear Mom screeching at Pop.
5:02  hand Pop his watch sans a thank you, discover reason for screeching
5:03  greeted by yellow and brown water seeping from their toilet and flooding the bathroom floor
5:04  throw down old towels to delay the inevitable
5:05  change into bio-hazard suit and begin plunging
5:17  still plunging
6:09  bend wire hanger to try to fish out offending clog
6:35  head to store to buy Liquid Plumber
7:00  still clogged
7:48  husband arrives home to meet frazzled wife
7:49  after brief update, takes over CPR (compress, plunge, repeat)
8:07  head to Home Depot to purchase Sooper Dooper Pooper Blaster AKA 3' Heavy Duty Cable Auger (the kind you hope you never have to use)
9:08  clog is cleared, towels in large trash bag, last remnants of wadded up toilet paper wiped up
9:09 PM dispose of bio-hazard suit
9:09 PM Pop waiting patiently to use the bathroom
9:15 PM sit down to dinner. For some reason we aren't very hungry

See post dated February 9, 2012, Name that Turd (nearly a year to the date of this environmental disaster)

Name that Turd!

Today I came home from school and was greeted by Mom screeching at Pop, "Where's the plunger?!" She repeated louder, "Where's the plunger?!"  As I approached their apartment, I heard a toilet flushing, water running and then I went running, as my superhero, alter ego, Toxic Avenger to the rescue!

WARNING: If you are squeamish, stop reading here...
Floating in yellow water rimming to the toilet seat were several turds in various states of decomposition. I sprang into action trying to avoid a catastrophic environmental cleanup.

Flashback to earlier this afternoon, Pop uses the bathroom and then uses wads and wads of TP. He neglects to flush the toilet. Mom goes in to use the bathroom and when she flushes, the clog is immediately evident.

Meanwhile, Pop is content to sit in the recliner watching the TV at ear-piercing volume and remains blissfully unaware of his part in this near disaster that created a foul ecosystem that had been brewing for hours. After everything was cleaned up, Pop asks, "What did Mom need the plunger for?"