Ugly Christmas Sweater

Today was ugly Christmas sweater day at school. Determined to have the ugliest sweater possible, I set to work like an elf in the toy factory on Christmas Eve. Selecting only the gaudiest, glittery-est, yet glamorous, materials I could find to create a unique, one of a kind sweater sure to inspire shrieks and hisses from jealous competitors.

After hours of hard work, glued fingers and careful editing, I was convinced that I had the ugliest sweater possible, I modeled it for Mom and Pop. Pop's reaction (without a hint of sarcasm,) "Oh Doll Baby, you look beautiful!" Mom's response (dripping with sarcasm), "You're not going to wear that to school! You'll be arrested by the ugly fashion police."

I'm the one on the right. You can't see it in the photo but my shoes matched my headpiece.

Albert and Albert

                                                 Albert 1                             Albert 2

Einstein and Mom

                                                Theresa                                         Albert

Now where did I put...?

Last week Pop lost something and I wasn't exactly sure what it was and he wasn't exactly sure where he put it.

He was sitting in his chair with the brightly colored striped blanket covering him from waist to floor. He bent forward and lifted the right side of the blanket staring at the floor. Then he repeated the same process on the left side. I asked him, "What are you looking for Pop?" He replied, "My feet, I can't find them." Then he looked one more time where he hadn't looked before. He raised the blanket from the center and excitedly exclaimed, "There they are, right where I left them!"

Nick's Birthday and Kathleen's Wedding Day

October 11, 2014  marked a fantastic occasion for my nephew and his bride...they married, they celebrated, they danced, they loved...their family, their friends, each other.

Mom and Pop were especially excited to get fancied up for the festivities. Both looked stunning in the new outfits, Pop in his tux and Mom in her stylish pantsuit.

Here are snippets of the conversations that ensued that evening:

Pop: Why do I have to wear a tux?
Mom: Nick's wedding
Grandson: PopPop you look awesome in your tux!
Mom: You can have it when he's dead.

Pop: Why do I have to wear a tux?
Husband: Nick's birthday

We arrive at the Church

Pop: Why do I have to wear a tux?
Mom: Nick asked you to
Pop:Why does Nick want me to wear a tux?
Mom: He's getting married
Pop: When?

One the way home:
Pop: Why did I have to wear this tux?

“Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?” –George Gobel

Clara and PopPop

Great-granddaughter Clara swinging with her PopPop. Simple pleasures!

Eric III and PopPop

Almost one year from the day that I posted a photo of Hannah and PopPop swinging on the front porch swing, here is great-grandson, Eric III, with PopPop.

Who's on the Phone? - Part 2

It happened again. I had to call Mom and Pop's mail order pharmacy to put their prescriptions on automatic refill. It is usually a routine phone call. I talk to a customer service representative and their medicine it sent out every three months for the entire year.

Not so routine this time. The rep requested to speak to Pop to get his permission. Oh boy, I thought, this is not going to go well. I explained that he is deaf and hard of hearing but she insisted. She didn't know what she was getting into.

I held the phone close to Pop's mouth and ear and asked him,

Me: Can I put your prescriptions on automatic refill? while vigorously shaking my head up and down

Pop: I don't know what you're saying.

Me: I want to have your medicines delivered automatically. Again shaking my head affirmatively. Pop did not take the hint.

Pop: What if I don't want them to be delivered automatically?

Me: Covering the phone with my hand, Just say YES!?$%

60 Minutes

Pop often refers to his favorite Sunday evening TV program as 60 Seconds. He never misses an episode. Tonight, we were just finishing dinner and I said, "Pop, 60 Seconds is on." He said, "Oh, boy I better hurry!" He shuffles, as only Pop can shuffle, slowly off to his recliner. Husband turns to me and says, by the time he gets there, there will be only 49 seconds left!"

Happy Memorial Day

To all who are serving and who have served, 

we remember and we thank you.

We are proud of you Pop!

X and Y-Intercepts, Slope and Other Math Stuff

This week I have been working very hard brushing up on my Algebra skills. The dining room table is covered with pages of equations, graphs, and T-charts. Scrawled notes are littered with factoring of polynomials and quadratics.

Enter Mom: What are you working on now? She demands to know. Then she settles down in the chair beside me. After glancing at the Algebra textbook and my notes, she amazes me by saying, "Oh, you're working on Slope Intercept formula." I was rendered speechless. She has this dreamy, childlike, nostalgic smile on her face. "You know, I never could understand this in high school. I used to try and teach it to myself. Do they still have the odd numbered answers in the back of the book?"

Visiting Angels vs. Victoria's Angels

Yesterday we had a lovely conversation with one of the "Angels" from Visiting Angels. Visiting "Devils" as Mom ventured to describe them. (I am pleased to say that her impression of this compassionate caretaker organization has changed completely)

The representative introduced herself to Pop and tried to explain how they can help him. He was very very happy to hear that Victoria's Angels would be visiting him. The representative tried to clarify the difference but Pop sat there grinning  and contemplating the impending visit of a Victoria Secret model "with wings."  Once more the consultant tried, "Our girls are pretty but
. . ." I finished her sentence, ... "Pop that's a whole other catalog!"

Daylight Savings Time at Mom and Pop's

                                      Mom doesn't like to be late.

Toxic Avenger Strikes Again

I will spare you, dear reader, the sordid details in words and in the toilet. Suffice to say, he did it again.

PS if you are keeping score, we are averaging one toxic toilet event per year.

Greatest Show on Earth - Balloon Animals

There is something about balloon animals that thrills old and young alike. Something about blowing and squeezing until it grows bigger.... (Come on people, keep it clean, we are talking about balloon animals!)

Last night before dinner, I donned my circus ringmaster top hat and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, children of all ages" followed by the proclamation, "You are about to witness the biggest, most dangerous, amazing, spectacular performance." Pop was intrigued, Mom, like Roz, from Monster's Inc. "I can assure you, I'll always be watching, always watching," She adjusted her glasses.



As the yellow balloon inflated, Pop made some preliminary guesses, "I think it's going to be a flower." Watching closely, he predicted, a bumble bee and then a parrot. Mom's guess; its a yellow worm.


I began a series of intricate twists resulting in different sized bubbles. With Pop and Mom's encouragement, I gained confidence in my new-found talent. Unintentionally, the yellow balloon turned into a giraffe except for one small problem. The tail of the giraffe was in the front of the animal. Mom declares, "it must be a boy giraffe, it has a penis."

Two long days and nights

For the past two days we have been experiencing heavy snowfalls, frosty winds and long dark nights. That's just the weather outside. Here at our home we have been experiencing the worst of winter storms...Typhoon Tess that developed quickly off the East coast as a result of clashing with the incoming system...lost school ring.

Tuesday afternoon, Pop lost his school ring, a cherished keepsake from his father, given to him when he graduated from high school in 1935.  We stripped the bed, inspected in the Combos bag, tissue box, and sugar bowl. In single digit temperatures, we combed through the trash and recycling bins looking at every frozen tissue, banana peel and coffee grounds. We took apart the kitchen and bathroom sink, and used the auger on the toilet (for more info on the auger see post Toxic Avenger) We searched under the bed, in his dresser drawers, behind the recliners, under every cushion, blanket and pillow. We explored inside his closet, shoes, slippers, coat, gloves. We scrutinized the cuffs of his pants and pockets of his flannel shirts, bathrobe and winter coat.

Throughout it all Mom remained calm and reassuring, asking pertinent questions, such as, "which hand do you use to shake it?" (refer to post We're Not Talking about Driving) Pop remained stoic and forlorn. He did much of the searching too, inspecting the same places over and over and over in a systematic routine typical of his OCD (see post  Extreme OCD...ing) It was a sad, sad two days for all.

Finally at 8:03 PM, wonderful husband to the rescue!!! He looked where we had neglected to look, in Mom's dresser drawers. In the second drawer on the right side of the bureau underneath all of Mom's bras was the ring. Pop doesn't know how it could have gotten there. Husband's explanation was perfect, "it's a guy thing, you don't want to get out of practice!"

Happy 88th Birthday Mom!

Today was Mom's 88th Birthday. She spent it in grand style. Eating  petit fours, bon-bons and ice cream cake, servants acting on her every birthday wish, an adoring husband by her side, serenaded by ballads and odes to her humor and wit. As Mom sums it up, she really lived it up today, "cleaning out drawers."

Merry Christmas 2013 - Movie Mashup

Act 1 - Scene 1

Ebeneezer Scrooge: No, no, no. No tree, no stockings, no wreath, no decorations, no candles in the window, no figgy pudding. I don't want anything (Mom really didn't say no figgy pudding but I'm sure if I offered it, she would  have said no.)

Bob Cratchet: Pleading - But what about Pop? He really enjoys looking at all the pretty lights and decorations. It will do his heart good. (I didn't really say that last sentence, but it is true)

Act 1 - Scene 2

That night while Mom Mom and Pop Pop are sound asleep; grandson, Greg, starts his journey through the Candy Cane forest, through the swirly twirly gum drops and then through the Lincoln Tunnel. He set to work decorating their house, winding yards of garland around posts and doorways, cutting out paper snowflakes, hanging stockings, decorating the tree, and building toys (he really didn't do the last thing on the list but he could have)

Scene 2 - Act 1: The next morning

Scrooge: looking at all the beautiful Christmas decorations Bah Humbug! Who is responsible for this?

Elf: Laughing - It wasn't me Mom Mom. I don't know who did it.

Scrooge: I know it wasn't you, there was a note left on the tree.
Scrooge: Looking at all the lights and decorations, and talking to Greg, The tree's a little skimpy don't you think?

Scene 2 - Act 2 
Spontaneous Christmas caroling begins. The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

Tiny Tim: God bless us everyone!

PS: Mom and the elves actually have a lot in common. They both try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, and candy corn and syrup.

More quips from the Doctor's Office

I have mentioned in previous posts how much Mom and Pop like to talk loudly while waiting for their appointment. Here is today's summary report:

Mom looking at photos on my Iphone: Why is her mom black AND white? (the photo she was looking at was in black and white, the rest of people in the office were thinking something entirely different.)

In the office talking to the doctor: He reports that they have lost weight since their last visit. Mom's explanation (pointing at me): "She's a terrible cook"

Leaving the office, within ear shot of the doctor, Mom says to me: "I notice you haven't lost any weight!"

They call him......Boomerang

Boomerang. That is the new nickname my husband has named my father. One that is well-earned.

Every night after dinner Pop announces that he is going out to sit on the porch. (his favorite past time.) He gets as far as the kitchen door before he turns quickly around and returns to his place at the table. "Too chilly!" he will announce.

Pop will sit for a few minutes and then say, "I'm going out on the porch." Mom, Husband, and I will sit smiling at each other. Pop puts one foot out the kitchen door and ... "Brrr, it's cold out there." before returning to his chair.

We wait patiently as Pop tries one more time. "I think it's going to snow!" He shakes his head chuckling at the joke he made, and he joins us once again at the table.

Corny joke: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't return? . . . . . . . . . . . .
                                                            A stick
(joke credit: my husband)

Nap Time

Just got home from work. Didn't know it was nap time

Extreme OCD...ing

EXHIBIT A: an ordinary dust pan and broom. 

What is so hysterical about a simple household object; one that would cause two sisters to burst into giggle fits? 

The answer: Pop's OCD. Normally not a topic that would cause raucous laughter but allow me to show you ...












EXHIBIT B: the same ordinary dust pan and broom from a different angle.  The same ordinary dust pan and broom that Pop spent at least one minute straightening.

What's cooking?

What's cooking? Nothing. More like what's burning. And it's not food!

Yesterday around 2:30 p.m. I just put granddaughter down for a nap, Mom and Pop were napping soundly in their recliners and I smelled smoke. Smoke was pouring from their bathroom and filling up the living room. Why the smoke alarms didn't go off, I'm not sure. (Unfortunately, the alarms are not loud enough to disturb their slumber)

I entered the bathroom and the smell of burning rubber was noxious. The washing machine was making a loud banging noise. (Not quite loud enough to disturb their slumber) I quickly unplugged the machine, scanned for flames, opened the window, then exited the bathroom. After opening the windows in the rest of the house and turning on all the ceiling fans, Pop, like Rip Van Winkle, awakens and wants to use the bathroom. Once again, as described in previous posts, the bathroom is off limits.

I'm convinced their bathroom has a spell cast on it!

He's no tree-hugger

Dinner time is a synchronized and choreographed event at our house. Like other families, setting the table, preparing the meal, serving dinner, lively and humorous conversation and feasting are features of every evening meal.

What sets us apart from a normal family meal is keeping Pop away from the paper products. Husband, Mom, and I take turns moving, sliding, and hiding the napkins, paper cups and tissues from Pop. Here is an example when choreographing goes awry.

More Front Porch Swinging

PopPop and Hannah enjoy a lovely summer day on the porch swing. Another great-grandchild who adores PopPop and swinging on the swing.