Today was ugly Christmas sweater day at school. Determined to have the ugliest sweater possible, I set to work like an elf in the toy factory on Christmas Eve. Selecting only the gaudiest, glittery-est, yet glamorous, materials I could find to create a unique, one of a kind sweater sure to inspire shrieks and hisses from jealous competitors.
After hours of hard work, glued fingers and careful editing, I was convinced that I had the ugliest sweater possible, I modeled it for Mom and Pop. Pop's reaction (without a hint of sarcasm,) "Oh Doll Baby, you look beautiful!" Mom's response (dripping with sarcasm), "You're not going to wear that to school! You'll be arrested by the ugly fashion police."
I'm the one on the right. You can't see it in the photo but my shoes matched my headpiece.
A decade (plus) has passed since my parents came to live with me and my husband and our three sons. Sometimes I laugh, or cry or pull my hair out, but it has not been boring. Even the most mundane days are enlivened by unprompted remarks and unintentional antics of my parents that I lovingly refer to as Elder Folktales.
Friday, December 19, 2014
Friday, November 21, 2014
Monday, November 17, 2014
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Now where did I put...?
Last week Pop lost something and I wasn't exactly sure what it was and he wasn't exactly sure where he put it.
He was sitting in his chair with the brightly colored striped blanket covering him from waist to floor. He bent forward and lifted the right side of the blanket staring at the floor. Then he repeated the same process on the left side. I asked him, "What are you looking for Pop?" He replied, "My feet, I can't find them." Then he looked one more time where he hadn't looked before. He raised the blanket from the center and excitedly exclaimed, "There they are, right where I left them!"
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Nick's Birthday and Kathleen's Wedding Day
October 11, 2014 marked a fantastic occasion for my nephew and his bride...they married, they celebrated, they danced, they loved...their family, their friends, each other.
Mom and Pop were especially excited to get fancied up for the festivities. Both looked stunning in the new outfits, Pop in his tux and Mom in her stylish pantsuit.
Here are snippets of the conversations that ensued that evening:
Pop: Why do I have to wear a tux?
Mom: Nick's wedding
Grandson: PopPop you look awesome in your tux!
Mom: You can have it when he's dead.
Pop: Why do I have to wear a tux?
Husband: Nick's birthday
We arrive at the Church
Pop: Why do I have to wear a tux?
Mom: Nick asked you to
Pop:Why does Nick want me to wear a tux?
Mom: He's getting married
Pop: When?
One the way home:
Pop: Why did I have to wear this tux?
“Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?” –George Gobel
Mom and Pop were especially excited to get fancied up for the festivities. Both looked stunning in the new outfits, Pop in his tux and Mom in her stylish pantsuit.
Here are snippets of the conversations that ensued that evening:
Pop: Why do I have to wear a tux?
Mom: Nick's wedding
Grandson: PopPop you look awesome in your tux!
Mom: You can have it when he's dead.
Pop: Why do I have to wear a tux?
Husband: Nick's birthday
We arrive at the Church
Pop: Why do I have to wear a tux?
Mom: Nick asked you to
Pop:Why does Nick want me to wear a tux?
Mom: He's getting married
Pop: When?
One the way home:
Pop: Why did I have to wear this tux?
“Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?” –George Gobel
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Clara and PopPop
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
Eric III and PopPop
Almost one year from the day that I posted a photo of Hannah and PopPop swinging on the front porch swing, here is great-grandson, Eric III, with PopPop.
Friday, June 13, 2014
Who's on the Phone? - Part 2
It happened again. I had to call Mom and Pop's mail order pharmacy
to put their prescriptions on automatic refill. It is usually a routine phone
call. I talk to a customer service representative and their medicine it sent
out every three months for the entire year.
Not so routine this time. The rep
requested to speak to Pop to get his permission. Oh boy, I thought, this is not
going to go well. I explained that he is deaf and hard of hearing but she
insisted. She didn't know what she was getting into.
I held the phone close to Pop's mouth and
ear and asked him,
Me: Can I put your prescriptions on
automatic refill? while vigorously shaking my head up and down
Pop: I don't know what you're saying.
Me: I want to have your medicines
delivered automatically. Again shaking my head affirmatively. Pop did not take
the hint.
Pop: What if I don't want them to be
delivered automatically?
Sunday, June 8, 2014
60 Minutes
Pop often refers to his favorite Sunday evening TV program as 60 Seconds. He never misses an episode. Tonight, we were just finishing dinner and I said, "Pop, 60 Seconds is on." He said, "Oh, boy I better hurry!" He shuffles, as only Pop can shuffle, slowly off to his recliner. Husband turns to me and says, by the time he gets there, there will be only 49 seconds left!"
Monday, May 26, 2014
Friday, May 2, 2014
X and Y-Intercepts, Slope and Other Math Stuff
This week I have been working very hard brushing up on my Algebra skills. The dining room table is covered with pages of equations, graphs, and T-charts. Scrawled notes are littered with factoring of polynomials and quadratics.
Enter Mom: What are you working on now? She demands to know. Then she settles down in the chair beside me. After glancing at the Algebra textbook and my notes, she amazes me by saying, "Oh, you're working on Slope Intercept formula." I was rendered speechless. She has this dreamy, childlike, nostalgic smile on her face. "You know, I never could understand this in high school. I used to try and teach it to myself. Do they still have the odd numbered answers in the back of the book?"
Enter Mom: What are you working on now? She demands to know. Then she settles down in the chair beside me. After glancing at the Algebra textbook and my notes, she amazes me by saying, "Oh, you're working on Slope Intercept formula." I was rendered speechless. She has this dreamy, childlike, nostalgic smile on her face. "You know, I never could understand this in high school. I used to try and teach it to myself. Do they still have the odd numbered answers in the back of the book?"
Thursday, April 3, 2014
Visiting Angels vs. Victoria's Angels
Yesterday we had a lovely conversation with one of the "Angels" from Visiting Angels. Visiting "Devils" as Mom ventured to describe them. (I am pleased to say that her impression of this compassionate caretaker organization has changed completely)
The representative introduced herself to Pop and tried to explain how they can help him. He was very very happy to hear that Victoria's Angels would be visiting him. The representative tried to clarify the difference but Pop sat there grinning and contemplating the impending visit of a Victoria Secret model "with wings." Once more the consultant tried, "Our girls are pretty but
. . ." I finished her sentence, ... "Pop that's a whole other catalog!"
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Daylight Savings Time at Mom and Pop's
Monday, February 24, 2014
Toxic Avenger Strikes Again
I will spare you, dear reader, the sordid details in words and in the toilet. Suffice to say, he did it again.
PS if you are keeping score, we are averaging one toxic toilet event per year.
Friday, February 21, 2014
Greatest Show on Earth - Balloon Animals
There is something about balloon animals that thrills old and young alike. Something about blowing and squeezing until it grows bigger.... (Come on people, keep it clean, we are talking about balloon animals!)
Last night before dinner, I donned my circus ringmaster top hat and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, children of all ages" followed by the proclamation, "You are about to witness the biggest, most dangerous, amazing, spectacular performance." Pop was intrigued, Mom, like Roz, from Monster's Inc. "I can assure you, I'll always be watching, always watching," She adjusted her glasses.
As the yellow balloon inflated, Pop made some preliminary guesses, "I think it's going to be a flower." Watching closely, he predicted, a bumble bee and then a parrot. Mom's guess; its a yellow worm.
I began a series of intricate twists resulting in different sized bubbles. With Pop and Mom's encouragement, I gained confidence in my new-found talent. Unintentionally, the yellow balloon turned into a giraffe except for one small problem. The tail of the giraffe was in the front of the animal. Mom declares, "it must be a boy giraffe, it has a penis."
Last night before dinner, I donned my circus ringmaster top hat and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, children of all ages" followed by the proclamation, "You are about to witness the biggest, most dangerous, amazing, spectacular performance." Pop was intrigued, Mom, like Roz, from Monster's Inc. "I can assure you, I'll always be watching, always watching," She adjusted her glasses.
As the yellow balloon inflated, Pop made some preliminary guesses, "I think it's going to be a flower." Watching closely, he predicted, a bumble bee and then a parrot. Mom's guess; its a yellow worm.
I began a series of intricate twists resulting in different sized bubbles. With Pop and Mom's encouragement, I gained confidence in my new-found talent. Unintentionally, the yellow balloon turned into a giraffe except for one small problem. The tail of the giraffe was in the front of the animal. Mom declares, "it must be a boy giraffe, it has a penis."
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Two long days and nights
For the past two days we have been experiencing heavy snowfalls, frosty winds and long dark nights. That's just the weather outside. Here at our home we have been experiencing the worst of winter storms...Typhoon Tess that developed quickly off the East coast as a result of clashing with the incoming system...lost school ring.
Tuesday afternoon, Pop lost his school ring, a cherished keepsake from his father, given to him when he graduated from high school in 1935. We stripped the bed, inspected in the Combos bag, tissue box, and sugar bowl. In single digit temperatures, we combed through the trash and recycling bins looking at every frozen tissue, banana peel and coffee grounds. We took apart the kitchen and bathroom sink, and used the auger on the toilet (for more info on the auger see post Toxic Avenger) We searched under the bed, in his dresser drawers, behind the recliners, under every cushion, blanket and pillow. We explored inside his closet, shoes, slippers, coat, gloves. We scrutinized the cuffs of his pants and pockets of his flannel shirts, bathrobe and winter coat.
Throughout it all Mom remained calm and reassuring, asking pertinent questions, such as, "which hand do you use to shake it?" (refer to post We're Not Talking about Driving) Pop remained stoic and forlorn. He did much of the searching too, inspecting the same places over and over and over in a systematic routine typical of his OCD (see post Extreme OCD...ing) It was a sad, sad two days for all.
Finally at 8:03 PM, wonderful husband to the rescue!!! He looked where we had neglected to look, in Mom's dresser drawers. In the second drawer on the right side of the bureau underneath all of Mom's bras was the ring. Pop doesn't know how it could have gotten there. Husband's explanation was perfect, "it's a guy thing, you don't want to get out of practice!"
Tuesday afternoon, Pop lost his school ring, a cherished keepsake from his father, given to him when he graduated from high school in 1935. We stripped the bed, inspected in the Combos bag, tissue box, and sugar bowl. In single digit temperatures, we combed through the trash and recycling bins looking at every frozen tissue, banana peel and coffee grounds. We took apart the kitchen and bathroom sink, and used the auger on the toilet (for more info on the auger see post Toxic Avenger) We searched under the bed, in his dresser drawers, behind the recliners, under every cushion, blanket and pillow. We explored inside his closet, shoes, slippers, coat, gloves. We scrutinized the cuffs of his pants and pockets of his flannel shirts, bathrobe and winter coat.
Throughout it all Mom remained calm and reassuring, asking pertinent questions, such as, "which hand do you use to shake it?" (refer to post We're Not Talking about Driving) Pop remained stoic and forlorn. He did much of the searching too, inspecting the same places over and over and over in a systematic routine typical of his OCD (see post Extreme OCD...ing) It was a sad, sad two days for all.
Finally at 8:03 PM, wonderful husband to the rescue!!! He looked where we had neglected to look, in Mom's dresser drawers. In the second drawer on the right side of the bureau underneath all of Mom's bras was the ring. Pop doesn't know how it could have gotten there. Husband's explanation was perfect, "it's a guy thing, you don't want to get out of practice!"
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Happy 88th Birthday Mom!
Today was Mom's 88th Birthday. She spent it in grand style. Eating petit fours, bon-bons and ice cream cake, servants acting on her every birthday wish, an adoring husband by her side, serenaded by ballads and odes to her humor and wit. As Mom sums it up, she really lived it up today, "cleaning out drawers."
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