X and Y-Intercepts, Slope and Other Math Stuff

This week I have been working very hard brushing up on my Algebra skills. The dining room table is covered with pages of equations, graphs, and T-charts. Scrawled notes are littered with factoring of polynomials and quadratics.

Enter Mom: What are you working on now? She demands to know. Then she settles down in the chair beside me. After glancing at the Algebra textbook and my notes, she amazes me by saying, "Oh, you're working on Slope Intercept formula." I was rendered speechless. She has this dreamy, childlike, nostalgic smile on her face. "You know, I never could understand this in high school. I used to try and teach it to myself. Do they still have the odd numbered answers in the back of the book?"

Visiting Angels vs. Victoria's Angels

Yesterday we had a lovely conversation with one of the "Angels" from Visiting Angels. Visiting "Devils" as Mom ventured to describe them. (I am pleased to say that her impression of this compassionate caretaker organization has changed completely)

The representative introduced herself to Pop and tried to explain how they can help him. He was very very happy to hear that Victoria's Angels would be visiting him. The representative tried to clarify the difference but Pop sat there grinning  and contemplating the impending visit of a Victoria Secret model "with wings."  Once more the consultant tried, "Our girls are pretty but
. . ." I finished her sentence, ... "Pop that's a whole other catalog!"

Daylight Savings Time at Mom and Pop's

                                      Mom doesn't like to be late.

Toxic Avenger Strikes Again

I will spare you, dear reader, the sordid details in words and in the toilet. Suffice to say, he did it again.

PS if you are keeping score, we are averaging one toxic toilet event per year.

Greatest Show on Earth - Balloon Animals

There is something about balloon animals that thrills old and young alike. Something about blowing and squeezing until it grows bigger.... (Come on people, keep it clean, we are talking about balloon animals!)

Last night before dinner, I donned my circus ringmaster top hat and announced, "Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, children of all ages" followed by the proclamation, "You are about to witness the biggest, most dangerous, amazing, spectacular performance." Pop was intrigued, Mom, like Roz, from Monster's Inc. "I can assure you, I'll always be watching, always watching," She adjusted her glasses.



As the yellow balloon inflated, Pop made some preliminary guesses, "I think it's going to be a flower." Watching closely, he predicted, a bumble bee and then a parrot. Mom's guess; its a yellow worm.


I began a series of intricate twists resulting in different sized bubbles. With Pop and Mom's encouragement, I gained confidence in my new-found talent. Unintentionally, the yellow balloon turned into a giraffe except for one small problem. The tail of the giraffe was in the front of the animal. Mom declares, "it must be a boy giraffe, it has a penis."

Two long days and nights

For the past two days we have been experiencing heavy snowfalls, frosty winds and long dark nights. That's just the weather outside. Here at our home we have been experiencing the worst of winter storms...Typhoon Tess that developed quickly off the East coast as a result of clashing with the incoming system...lost school ring.

Tuesday afternoon, Pop lost his school ring, a cherished keepsake from his father, given to him when he graduated from high school in 1935.  We stripped the bed, inspected in the Combos bag, tissue box, and sugar bowl. In single digit temperatures, we combed through the trash and recycling bins looking at every frozen tissue, banana peel and coffee grounds. We took apart the kitchen and bathroom sink, and used the auger on the toilet (for more info on the auger see post Toxic Avenger) We searched under the bed, in his dresser drawers, behind the recliners, under every cushion, blanket and pillow. We explored inside his closet, shoes, slippers, coat, gloves. We scrutinized the cuffs of his pants and pockets of his flannel shirts, bathrobe and winter coat.

Throughout it all Mom remained calm and reassuring, asking pertinent questions, such as, "which hand do you use to shake it?" (refer to post We're Not Talking about Driving) Pop remained stoic and forlorn. He did much of the searching too, inspecting the same places over and over and over in a systematic routine typical of his OCD (see post  Extreme OCD...ing) It was a sad, sad two days for all.

Finally at 8:03 PM, wonderful husband to the rescue!!! He looked where we had neglected to look, in Mom's dresser drawers. In the second drawer on the right side of the bureau underneath all of Mom's bras was the ring. Pop doesn't know how it could have gotten there. Husband's explanation was perfect, "it's a guy thing, you don't want to get out of practice!"

Happy 88th Birthday Mom!

Today was Mom's 88th Birthday. She spent it in grand style. Eating  petit fours, bon-bons and ice cream cake, servants acting on her every birthday wish, an adoring husband by her side, serenaded by ballads and odes to her humor and wit. As Mom sums it up, she really lived it up today, "cleaning out drawers."

Merry Christmas 2013 - Movie Mashup

Act 1 - Scene 1

Ebeneezer Scrooge: No, no, no. No tree, no stockings, no wreath, no decorations, no candles in the window, no figgy pudding. I don't want anything (Mom really didn't say no figgy pudding but I'm sure if I offered it, she would  have said no.)

Bob Cratchet: Pleading - But what about Pop? He really enjoys looking at all the pretty lights and decorations. It will do his heart good. (I didn't really say that last sentence, but it is true)

Act 1 - Scene 2

That night while Mom Mom and Pop Pop are sound asleep; grandson, Greg, starts his journey through the Candy Cane forest, through the swirly twirly gum drops and then through the Lincoln Tunnel. He set to work decorating their house, winding yards of garland around posts and doorways, cutting out paper snowflakes, hanging stockings, decorating the tree, and building toys (he really didn't do the last thing on the list but he could have)

Scene 2 - Act 1: The next morning

Scrooge: looking at all the beautiful Christmas decorations Bah Humbug! Who is responsible for this?

Elf: Laughing - It wasn't me Mom Mom. I don't know who did it.

Scrooge: I know it wasn't you, there was a note left on the tree.
Scrooge: Looking at all the lights and decorations, and talking to Greg, The tree's a little skimpy don't you think?

Scene 2 - Act 2 
Spontaneous Christmas caroling begins. The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

Tiny Tim: God bless us everyone!

PS: Mom and the elves actually have a lot in common. They both try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, and candy corn and syrup.

More quips from the Doctor's Office

I have mentioned in previous posts how much Mom and Pop like to talk loudly while waiting for their appointment. Here is today's summary report:

Mom looking at photos on my Iphone: Why is her mom black AND white? (the photo she was looking at was in black and white, the rest of people in the office were thinking something entirely different.)

In the office talking to the doctor: He reports that they have lost weight since their last visit. Mom's explanation (pointing at me): "She's a terrible cook"

Leaving the office, within ear shot of the doctor, Mom says to me: "I notice you haven't lost any weight!"

They call him......Boomerang

Boomerang. That is the new nickname my husband has named my father. One that is well-earned.

Every night after dinner Pop announces that he is going out to sit on the porch. (his favorite past time.) He gets as far as the kitchen door before he turns quickly around and returns to his place at the table. "Too chilly!" he will announce.

Pop will sit for a few minutes and then say, "I'm going out on the porch." Mom, Husband, and I will sit smiling at each other. Pop puts one foot out the kitchen door and ... "Brrr, it's cold out there." before returning to his chair.

We wait patiently as Pop tries one more time. "I think it's going to snow!" He shakes his head chuckling at the joke he made, and he joins us once again at the table.

Corny joke: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't return? . . . . . . . . . . . .
                                                            A stick
(joke credit: my husband)

Nap Time

Just got home from work. Didn't know it was nap time

Extreme OCD...ing

EXHIBIT A: an ordinary dust pan and broom. 

What is so hysterical about a simple household object; one that would cause two sisters to burst into giggle fits? 

The answer: Pop's OCD. Normally not a topic that would cause raucous laughter but allow me to show you ...












EXHIBIT B: the same ordinary dust pan and broom from a different angle.  The same ordinary dust pan and broom that Pop spent at least one minute straightening.

What's cooking?

What's cooking? Nothing. More like what's burning. And it's not food!

Yesterday around 2:30 p.m. I just put granddaughter down for a nap, Mom and Pop were napping soundly in their recliners and I smelled smoke. Smoke was pouring from their bathroom and filling up the living room. Why the smoke alarms didn't go off, I'm not sure. (Unfortunately, the alarms are not loud enough to disturb their slumber)

I entered the bathroom and the smell of burning rubber was noxious. The washing machine was making a loud banging noise. (Not quite loud enough to disturb their slumber) I quickly unplugged the machine, scanned for flames, opened the window, then exited the bathroom. After opening the windows in the rest of the house and turning on all the ceiling fans, Pop, like Rip Van Winkle, awakens and wants to use the bathroom. Once again, as described in previous posts, the bathroom is off limits.

I'm convinced their bathroom has a spell cast on it!

He's no tree-hugger

Dinner time is a synchronized and choreographed event at our house. Like other families, setting the table, preparing the meal, serving dinner, lively and humorous conversation and feasting are features of every evening meal.

What sets us apart from a normal family meal is keeping Pop away from the paper products. Husband, Mom, and I take turns moving, sliding, and hiding the napkins, paper cups and tissues from Pop. Here is an example when choreographing goes awry.

More Front Porch Swinging

PopPop and Hannah enjoy a lovely summer day on the porch swing. Another great-grandchild who adores PopPop and swinging on the swing.

Hannah and Pop Pop

Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven.

 ~ Unknown

Photo taken July 8, 2013-- Hannah (7 months) Pop Pop (96 years)

Afternoon Entertainment

This photo speaks for itself

Pop's version of a Knock, Knock joke

Today was Pop's 96th birthday. Yep, 96 years old! Amazing!!! He was surprised every time I wished him Happy Birthday. He asked Mom, "how old am I today?" Mom just scowled at him.

As birthday tradition dictates, we went to IHOP for dinner.

When we entered the restaurant, Pop asked, "do you know what IHOP stands for?" He answered the question himself, "International House of Pancakes."

After we ordered, Pop asked again, "do you know what IHOP stands for?" He quickly responded, "International House of Pancakes."

When our meal was served, Pop queried us again, "do you know what IHOP stands for?" as if he had just thought of the question.  Of course, he knew the answer, "International House of Pancakes."

We left the restaurant thinking the rigorous questioning was over but Pop had one more question for us, "do you know what IHOP stands for?" "I'm a Happy Old Person!"

Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives

OK, I admit it. I'm not a good cook. However, I am pretty good at grilling. Mom on the other hand, is an awesome chef. She could make any meal taste like it came from a gourmet restaurant.

Yesterday, I made hotdogs and baked beans. Pop's favorite meal. I was disappointed when he didn't finish it. I said to Mom, "Pop doesn't like my cooking." Mom's quick response...."I don't either!"

I'm Singing the Service Station Blues

Last week with Mom and Pop in tow, I stopped to get gas in their car. I pretended to be a friendly small town gas attendant. I whistled while I cleaned the windows, checked the oil and air in their tires, jauntily tipped my pretend hat and cheerily said, "That will be $24.16, Ma'am." Mom handed me $24.25 and said, "Keep the change." I frowned, only .19 tip. Mom explained, "You didn't do such a good job on the windows!"

Albert and Adam

"As I may have told you," as youngsters get older, oldsters get younger. At some point, they converge and share the same abilities, conversation skills, and social expertise.

Meet Adam (great-grandson), who is four, and  Pop Pop who is 95. They both share a love of checkers and spending time on the porch swing. A simple life!

HAPPY EASTER!

I don't get paid enough for this job

Here is a rundown of my day:

6:00 AM Rise and Shine
7:15  at work preparing math and reading lessons for the school day
3:00  pretty good day, students leave on the bus
4:00  finish up grading papers and leave work
4:15  at the mall to get watch battery for Pop
5:00  arrive home to start second job and hear Mom screeching at Pop.
5:02  hand Pop his watch sans a thank you, discover reason for screeching
5:03  greeted by yellow and brown water seeping from their toilet and flooding the bathroom floor
5:04  throw down old towels to delay the inevitable
5:05  change into bio-hazard suit and begin plunging
5:17  still plunging
6:09  bend wire hanger to try to fish out offending clog
6:35  head to store to buy Liquid Plumber
7:00  still clogged
7:48  husband arrives home to meet frazzled wife
7:49  after brief update, takes over CPR (compress, plunge, repeat)
8:07  head to Home Depot to purchase Sooper Dooper Pooper Blaster AKA 3' Heavy Duty Cable Auger (the kind you hope you never have to use)
9:08  clog is cleared, towels in large trash bag, last remnants of wadded up toilet paper wiped up
9:09 PM dispose of bio-hazard suit
9:09 PM Pop waiting patiently to use the bathroom
9:15 PM sit down to dinner. For some reason we aren't very hungry

See post dated February 9, 2012, Name that Turd (nearly a year to the date of this environmental disaster)

Just when I thought it was really over...

This past Saturday, Mom decided after 60 years of marriage that she couldn't stay with Pop anymore. She just couldn't stand it! It was over. She was finished. It's final!

She was obviously frustrated about something Pop had done. I just had to find a way to soothe her and get to the root of her frantic ravings.

"I can't sleep with you anymore." she shouted at Pop.
 It's true, I thought, she really means it this time. Then I heard ...
"I've decided to buy a new mattress."

So off we went to the Macy's mattress sale. Before we left, I told Mom to bring her walker because it would be a hike going through the mall. At first she refused, but her resolve was strong and the walker prevailed.

As we were getting in the car, I told her to be careful with the walker, don't go too fast and use small steps. Here was her proud response, "I was trained in the use of this walker!"

Three hours later and Certified Walker Mom, who speed-walked her way through the entire mall, was the proud owner of a queen mattress and box spring set, two sets of queen sheets and queen mattress pad.

"That'll fix him!" she said out loud.

Porch Swinging-Redneck Style

You might be a Redneck...
    ...if you have living room furniture on the deck and porch instead of a swing and rocking chairs.

Happy Birthday Mom

Mom celebrated her 87th birthday today with little fanfare...just a tasty ice cream cake and lots and lots of scratch-off lottery tickets, her  favorite past time next to watching Bones, NCIS, White Collar, Law and Order SVU, Cold Case, and CSI marathons.

I handed her a quarter to start scratching. She said, "I usually use a penny, do you think a quarter will work?"