Merry Christmas 2013 - Movie Mashup

Act 1 - Scene 1

Ebeneezer Scrooge: No, no, no. No tree, no stockings, no wreath, no decorations, no candles in the window, no figgy pudding. I don't want anything (Mom really didn't say no figgy pudding but I'm sure if I offered it, she would  have said no.)

Bob Cratchet: Pleading - But what about Pop? He really enjoys looking at all the pretty lights and decorations. It will do his heart good. (I didn't really say that last sentence, but it is true)

Act 1 - Scene 2

That night while Mom Mom and Pop Pop are sound asleep; grandson, Greg, starts his journey through the Candy Cane forest, through the swirly twirly gum drops and then through the Lincoln Tunnel. He set to work decorating their house, winding yards of garland around posts and doorways, cutting out paper snowflakes, hanging stockings, decorating the tree, and building toys (he really didn't do the last thing on the list but he could have)

Scene 2 - Act 1: The next morning

Scrooge: looking at all the beautiful Christmas decorations Bah Humbug! Who is responsible for this?

Elf: Laughing - It wasn't me Mom Mom. I don't know who did it.

Scrooge: I know it wasn't you, there was a note left on the tree.
Scrooge: Looking at all the lights and decorations, and talking to Greg, The tree's a little skimpy don't you think?

Scene 2 - Act 2 
Spontaneous Christmas caroling begins. The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.

Tiny Tim: God bless us everyone!

PS: Mom and the elves actually have a lot in common. They both try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, and candy corn and syrup.

More quips from the Doctor's Office

I have mentioned in previous posts how much Mom and Pop like to talk loudly while waiting for their appointment. Here is today's summary report:

Mom looking at photos on my Iphone: Why is her mom black AND white? (the photo she was looking at was in black and white, the rest of people in the office were thinking something entirely different.)

In the office talking to the doctor: He reports that they have lost weight since their last visit. Mom's explanation (pointing at me): "She's a terrible cook"

Leaving the office, within ear shot of the doctor, Mom says to me: "I notice you haven't lost any weight!"

They call him......Boomerang

Boomerang. That is the new nickname my husband has named my father. One that is well-earned.

Every night after dinner Pop announces that he is going out to sit on the porch. (his favorite past time.) He gets as far as the kitchen door before he turns quickly around and returns to his place at the table. "Too chilly!" he will announce.

Pop will sit for a few minutes and then say, "I'm going out on the porch." Mom, Husband, and I will sit smiling at each other. Pop puts one foot out the kitchen door and ... "Brrr, it's cold out there." before returning to his chair.

We wait patiently as Pop tries one more time. "I think it's going to snow!" He shakes his head chuckling at the joke he made, and he joins us once again at the table.

Corny joke: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't return? . . . . . . . . . . . .
                                                            A stick
(joke credit: my husband)

Nap Time

Just got home from work. Didn't know it was nap time

Extreme OCD...ing

EXHIBIT A: an ordinary dust pan and broom. 

What is so hysterical about a simple household object; one that would cause two sisters to burst into giggle fits? 

The answer: Pop's OCD. Normally not a topic that would cause raucous laughter but allow me to show you ...












EXHIBIT B: the same ordinary dust pan and broom from a different angle.  The same ordinary dust pan and broom that Pop spent at least one minute straightening.

What's cooking?

What's cooking? Nothing. More like what's burning. And it's not food!

Yesterday around 2:30 p.m. I just put granddaughter down for a nap, Mom and Pop were napping soundly in their recliners and I smelled smoke. Smoke was pouring from their bathroom and filling up the living room. Why the smoke alarms didn't go off, I'm not sure. (Unfortunately, the alarms are not loud enough to disturb their slumber)

I entered the bathroom and the smell of burning rubber was noxious. The washing machine was making a loud banging noise. (Not quite loud enough to disturb their slumber) I quickly unplugged the machine, scanned for flames, opened the window, then exited the bathroom. After opening the windows in the rest of the house and turning on all the ceiling fans, Pop, like Rip Van Winkle, awakens and wants to use the bathroom. Once again, as described in previous posts, the bathroom is off limits.

I'm convinced their bathroom has a spell cast on it!

He's no tree-hugger

Dinner time is a synchronized and choreographed event at our house. Like other families, setting the table, preparing the meal, serving dinner, lively and humorous conversation and feasting are features of every evening meal.

What sets us apart from a normal family meal is keeping Pop away from the paper products. Husband, Mom, and I take turns moving, sliding, and hiding the napkins, paper cups and tissues from Pop. Here is an example when choreographing goes awry.

More Front Porch Swinging

PopPop and Hannah enjoy a lovely summer day on the porch swing. Another great-grandchild who adores PopPop and swinging on the swing.

Hannah and Pop Pop

Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven.

 ~ Unknown

Photo taken July 8, 2013-- Hannah (7 months) Pop Pop (96 years)

Afternoon Entertainment

This photo speaks for itself

Pop's version of a Knock, Knock joke

Today was Pop's 96th birthday. Yep, 96 years old! Amazing!!! He was surprised every time I wished him Happy Birthday. He asked Mom, "how old am I today?" Mom just scowled at him.

As birthday tradition dictates, we went to IHOP for dinner.

When we entered the restaurant, Pop asked, "do you know what IHOP stands for?" He answered the question himself, "International House of Pancakes."

After we ordered, Pop asked again, "do you know what IHOP stands for?" He quickly responded, "International House of Pancakes."

When our meal was served, Pop queried us again, "do you know what IHOP stands for?" as if he had just thought of the question.  Of course, he knew the answer, "International House of Pancakes."

We left the restaurant thinking the rigorous questioning was over but Pop had one more question for us, "do you know what IHOP stands for?" "I'm a Happy Old Person!"

Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives

OK, I admit it. I'm not a good cook. However, I am pretty good at grilling. Mom on the other hand, is an awesome chef. She could make any meal taste like it came from a gourmet restaurant.

Yesterday, I made hotdogs and baked beans. Pop's favorite meal. I was disappointed when he didn't finish it. I said to Mom, "Pop doesn't like my cooking." Mom's quick response...."I don't either!"

I'm Singing the Service Station Blues

Last week with Mom and Pop in tow, I stopped to get gas in their car. I pretended to be a friendly small town gas attendant. I whistled while I cleaned the windows, checked the oil and air in their tires, jauntily tipped my pretend hat and cheerily said, "That will be $24.16, Ma'am." Mom handed me $24.25 and said, "Keep the change." I frowned, only .19 tip. Mom explained, "You didn't do such a good job on the windows!"

Albert and Adam

"As I may have told you," as youngsters get older, oldsters get younger. At some point, they converge and share the same abilities, conversation skills, and social expertise.

Meet Adam (great-grandson), who is four, and  Pop Pop who is 95. They both share a love of checkers and spending time on the porch swing. A simple life!

HAPPY EASTER!

I don't get paid enough for this job

Here is a rundown of my day:

6:00 AM Rise and Shine
7:15  at work preparing math and reading lessons for the school day
3:00  pretty good day, students leave on the bus
4:00  finish up grading papers and leave work
4:15  at the mall to get watch battery for Pop
5:00  arrive home to start second job and hear Mom screeching at Pop.
5:02  hand Pop his watch sans a thank you, discover reason for screeching
5:03  greeted by yellow and brown water seeping from their toilet and flooding the bathroom floor
5:04  throw down old towels to delay the inevitable
5:05  change into bio-hazard suit and begin plunging
5:17  still plunging
6:09  bend wire hanger to try to fish out offending clog
6:35  head to store to buy Liquid Plumber
7:00  still clogged
7:48  husband arrives home to meet frazzled wife
7:49  after brief update, takes over CPR (compress, plunge, repeat)
8:07  head to Home Depot to purchase Sooper Dooper Pooper Blaster AKA 3' Heavy Duty Cable Auger (the kind you hope you never have to use)
9:08  clog is cleared, towels in large trash bag, last remnants of wadded up toilet paper wiped up
9:09 PM dispose of bio-hazard suit
9:09 PM Pop waiting patiently to use the bathroom
9:15 PM sit down to dinner. For some reason we aren't very hungry

See post dated February 9, 2012, Name that Turd (nearly a year to the date of this environmental disaster)

Just when I thought it was really over...

This past Saturday, Mom decided after 60 years of marriage that she couldn't stay with Pop anymore. She just couldn't stand it! It was over. She was finished. It's final!

She was obviously frustrated about something Pop had done. I just had to find a way to soothe her and get to the root of her frantic ravings.

"I can't sleep with you anymore." she shouted at Pop.
 It's true, I thought, she really means it this time. Then I heard ...
"I've decided to buy a new mattress."

So off we went to the Macy's mattress sale. Before we left, I told Mom to bring her walker because it would be a hike going through the mall. At first she refused, but her resolve was strong and the walker prevailed.

As we were getting in the car, I told her to be careful with the walker, don't go too fast and use small steps. Here was her proud response, "I was trained in the use of this walker!"

Three hours later and Certified Walker Mom, who speed-walked her way through the entire mall, was the proud owner of a queen mattress and box spring set, two sets of queen sheets and queen mattress pad.

"That'll fix him!" she said out loud.

Porch Swinging-Redneck Style

You might be a Redneck...
    ...if you have living room furniture on the deck and porch instead of a swing and rocking chairs.

Happy Birthday Mom

Mom celebrated her 87th birthday today with little fanfare...just a tasty ice cream cake and lots and lots of scratch-off lottery tickets, her  favorite past time next to watching Bones, NCIS, White Collar, Law and Order SVU, Cold Case, and CSI marathons.

I handed her a quarter to start scratching. She said, "I usually use a penny, do you think a quarter will work?"